


I promise I'll come back

by darkdodielove



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boyfriends, Carnivals, Cliffhangers, Cute, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Good Theo Raeken, I'm so sorry, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sad Ending, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-05 19:55:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15870657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkdodielove/pseuds/darkdodielove
Summary: Theo goes back to hell in five days, Liam is determined to make his last five days the best ever. Romance and fluff ensue. or in other words, Liam and Theo are a pair of boyfriends with gun PTSD, glowings eyes (Theo has one blue eye, one goldeneye) and preparing for the end of their lives.





	1. the list

**Author's Note:**

> hey, ya'll. I've had severe writer's block for the last couple weeks and I hated almost everything I've tried to write. so I thought that maybe if I tried to write a fic that has multiple chapters it would help me get inspired!! 
> 
> kudos and comments are very welcome. Constructive criticism is appreciated very much
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> follow me on Tumblr if you want!

Gravel and twigs crunch under Liam’s feet as he tried to silently make his way through the preserve, following the scent of his boyfriend. He crouches down when he hears footsteps behind him, the smell of alcohol prominent in the air. He looks over his shoulder, his eyes tracking the drunk human stumbling around the trees. Once the human is out of earshot, he stands back up and continues to follow the scent of his boyfriend.

 

After a few minutes, he comes to a peak point over Beacon Hills where Theo is sitting on the edge with his legs dangling over the side of the peak. He exhales out through his nose and walks over to the chimera. He sits down next to Theo and turns to look at him.

 

“Hi,” Liam says quietly. Theo doesn’t seem to acknowledge Liam, he continues to stare straight ahead. The lights from the city below light up both of their faces, for three in the morning Beacon Hills is surprisingly awake. For a few minutes, they sit in silence they till Liam clears his throat.

 

“Are you okay?” Liam asks, his eyes drifting from the town below to look at his boyfriend. Theo scoffs and shakes his head.

 

“Despite the fact that I'm about to fucking die, Liam, I’m peachy fucking keen,” He says angrily. Liam grits his teeth and turns his head back to the horizon.

 

“I’m sorry,” Theo says quietly after a few minutes, Liam nods his head but continues to stare ahead of them.

 

Theo reaches over and threads their fingers together. Theo relaxes once Liam grips his hand tightly.

 

“Do you want to talk about?” Liam asks, Theo shrugs his shoulders and sighs through his nose.

 

“Fine, you don’t have to talk but I will,” Liam says, he takes a deep breath and lets it out.

 

“I’m really fucking scared,” he starts, “Before I got turned, I was a sad, scared kid with serious anger issues. I remember on my fourteenth birthday I wished for my life to change so that I could be a normal kid who people weren’t scared of. But when I first got turned, and I hurt people, I wished I could have gone back to having IED instead of being a monster who hurt people. But the pack helped me realize that I could help more people than I could hurt. But right now, I wish I could be a normal teenager so I could graduate and have a normal relationship with someone that I don’t have to worry about them getting killed or even hurting them.”

 

Theo nods his head and tightens his grip on Liam’s hand.

 

“I know what you mean,” Theo says, “I mean like right now, I wish nothing more than for us to be human so we could have a relationship where we don’t have to worry all the time about one of us dying or getting fucking shot.”

 

Liam hums in his throat and nods his head. He turns his head and looks at Theo who finally turns to look at him. He smiles a sad smile which Liam returns. They both turn their heads back to look over Beacon Hills. They sit there for what feels like hours, it could have been five minutes or five hours.

 

“So are we gonna talk about the really fucking obvious elephant in the room or are we going to ignore it entirely?” Theo asks. Liam nods his head and closes his eyes.

 

“Yeah let's talk about it,” He says quietly.

 

“So I’m about to go back to hell because my dead, heartless sister has created an army of dead siblings to come back to earth and kill their living siblings,” Theo says. Liam covers his mouth with his hand in an attempt to stifle a hysterical laugh. Theo turns to him and smiles.

 

“What a fucking world we live in,” Liam says, it comes out muffled from his hand. Theo huffs out a laugh and nods his head.

 

“I have to do this,” Theo says after a few moments of silence, Liam takes a deep breath and wills away the tears forming in his eyes.

 

“Yeah I know,” Liam says, his bottom lip wobbles as a tear slides down his cheek. Theo reaches across and wipes away the tear. They lean their foreheads together and just breathe.

 

“I love you,” Theo whispers, Liam squeezes his eyes shut as more tears escape through his lashes.

 

“I love you too,” he whispers back. They pull their head away from each other and smile. The lights from below making the tear tracks visible on both of their cheeks. Liam places his hand on Theo’s cheek and uses his thumb to wipe away the fallen tears.

 

The sound of sirens behind them pulls their attention away from each other and to the trees cloaking the vast woodland behind them. They stand hand in hand and make their way through the trees back to Theo’s trucks. The trees casting shadows with the help of the full moon, Liam pays them no mind. He tightens his grip on Theo’s hand and steps over roots and branches. The cold air making their breath visible as they breathe out through their mouths.

 

Theo’s truck comes into view as they near the car park for the preserve. Theo grabs the keys out of his back pocket and unlocks the door, they untangle their hands and get into the truck. As soon as Theo starts the engine, the heating kicks in and they both shiver as the warmth hit's their faces and arms.

 

“Where to?” Theo asks as they pull out of the car park. Liam turns to him and smiles.

 

“Mom and dad are both away so we can go back to my place,” he says. Theo nods his head and drives towards Liam's place. The roads are quiet and the street lights are dimmed. Liam stares out of the window with his hand on his chin and his elbow rested on the window ledge.

 

“how long do we have together?” Theo asks lowly. Liam digs for a sugar coated answer but comes up empty-handed. He turns to Theo and smiles sadly.

 

“I would try and sugar coat it for you, but we both know lies aren't in our best interest right now. So we have less than a week, probably five days before the next full moon.”

Theo nods his head, his grip tightens visibly on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white.

 

“I guess this means, we have to make the next five days the best ever, “ Theo says with a fake smile.

 

“Yeah,“ Liam says his voice fading as the humming of the truck overpowers his voice. They pull into Liam’s street and jump out of the car as soon as they pull up to his house. The porch light switches on as they walk to the front door, Liam lifts the door matt and retrieves a key for the door. He unlocks the door and holds it open for Theo. They step inside the house, the open windows casting a cool breeze throughout the house. All the lights are off so their eyes take a minute to adjust.

 

“Do you want anything to drink, coffee or soda?” Liam asks as he closes the door, the lock clicking into place.

 

“A coffee would be great, thanks,” Theo says tiredly. Liam nods his head and makes his way through the dark house to the kitchen, Theo trailing behind.   

 

Liam flicks on the light for the kitchen, he starts making himself and Theo a coffee as Theo takes a seat at the kitchen table. Liam places a hot coffee in front of Theo a few minutes later and then sits down opposite him with his own coffee.

 

“We should make a list,” Liam says after he takes a sip of his drink, Theo looks at him over the rim of his mug as he takes a sip.

 

“A list of what?” Theo asks, he places the steaming mug back down on the table and taps on the side of it.

 

“A list of things to do for the next five days,” Liam said, Theo raises his eyebrows and nods his head. He stops abruptly and furrows his eyebrows.

 

“Wait do you mean like a bucket list?” Theo asks with a laugh, he laughs even harder when Liam’s eyes open wide in shock. He shakes his head so fast, Theo’s scared Liam might get whiplash.

 

“Oh my god, no not like a bucket list you pessimist shithead,” Liam says glumly. Theo shakes his head and smiles at his boyfriend.

 

“Okay, so what things should we be adding to this list?” Theo asks, he picks up his mug and takes a long sip.

 

“Well that's for you to decide, it should be all things you want to do,” Liam says.

 

“All I want to do is spend time with you,” Theo says. Liam rolls his eyes but blushes bright red.

 

Theo smiles at him and gets up, he walks into the living room then comes back with a notepad and a pen. He places the pen and notepad in the middle of them and plunks down in his seat with a huff.

 

“What things have you never done but want to do?” Liam asks, he grabs the notepad and pen.

 

“Well I’ve never been to a carnival or a theme park, and I’ve never been ice skating,” Theo says, his cheeks flushed with a light shade of pink, obviously embarrassed. Liam reaches across the table and grabs Theo’s hand. He writes down the things Theo just said.

 

“Anything else?” he asks after he finished writing on the notepad. Theo hums in the back of his throat as he thinks.

 

“I want to binge watch a series of movies or season of a show and cuddle with you,” he pauses before continuing, “I really want to travel to a city, spend the night in a hotel above the city and look out of the window at night. I also want to go to build a bear.”

 

“Okay,” Liam smiles, he finished writing down the list and tears off the page.

 

“I definitely went overboard, we don’t have the time nor money to do half of this stuff. Forgot about it,” Theo says with a sigh. Liam stares at him wide-eyed, his hands clenched around the pen.

 

“Don’t you dare doubt me asshole,” Liam says, “I worked all summer and I didn’t spend any of the money I was paid, we will make the time. Nothing will be rushed or half-assed.”

 

Theo looks down at his lap and smiles. “I love you,” he says.

 

“I love you too,” Liam replies softly.

 

“When are we going to start doing this stuff?” Theo asks quietly. Liam reads over the list and tries to put things in order.

 

“We can do the binge-watching when we wake up, and then the other things will happen when they happen,” Liam says with a smile. Theo looks up and smiles softly at his boyfriend.

 

“Okay,” Theo replies.

 

“What do you wanna binge watch?” Liam asks a few minutes later, he grabs their mugs and walks over to the sink and tips out the cold coffee.

 

“There is a show called end of the fucking world, I’ve wanted to watch it but I’ve never gotten around to it,” Theo says. He walks over to join Liam in the kitchen, he leans on the counter and crosses his arms.

 

“Oh yeah, isn’t it on your Netflix want to watch list?” Liam asks, Theo nods his head and grabs a tea towel, he walks over to the other side of the sink and starts to dry the dishes that have been placed in the dish rack.

 

“Yeah I’m pretty sure it is,” he says. They finish drying the dishes and cleaning up the kitchen in silence. They crash on the large sofa in the living room in each other arms, the sound of the world around them waking up is drowned out by the sound of their hearts beating in unison.


	2. end of the fucking world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Binge-watch and sad feelings

 

The sound of doors slamming and voices whispering is what brings Theo back to full consciousness, his eyes flutter open and he stares out the open window in front of him. His back and neck aching from the uncomfortable angle he slept in, he sits up slowly and looks around, rubbing his eyes. He panics for a moment when he realizes that Liam isn’t anywhere to be seen. He relaxes once he focuses his hearing, picking up Jenna and Liam’s quiet conversation. 

 

He stands and makes his way into the kitchen, Liam and Jenna look up when he walks into the room. 

 

“Afternoon,” Jenna says with a smile. Theo looks at the clock on the wall to find its past three pm. 

 

“We were trying to be quiet,” Liam says with a small smile with Jenna mirrors. Theo squints his eyes at them, he knows that smile all too well. That smile is Liam’s ‘I’ve done something dumb don’t hate me’ smile. Theo rolls his eyes and sits down next to Jenna. He pinches two pieces of toast from Liam’s plate. 

 

“You told her didn’t you?” Theo asks once he eats the toast. He turns to look at Jenna who just gives him a sad smile. 

 

“What no, of course not,” Liam remarks in fake disbelief. Theo huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. Jenna reaches out and grabs his arm softly. 

 

“Honey I’m so sorry this is happening,” Jenna says softly, Theo turns to her and smiles sadly. 

 

“Its fine, It's my fault anyway,” he says quietly. Jenna’s grip on his arm tightens slightly. She reaches forward and plants a soft kiss on his forehead. 

 

“If you don’t come back to us I will get someone to resurrect you and then I’ll kill you myself,” Jenna says, Theo chuckles softly and wipes away the tears that form in his eyes. Jenna stands and presses a kiss to each of their heads before walking out of the kitchen and back upstairs to the bedroom where David is sleeping. 

 

“Do you wanna go into the living room and start watching the show?” Theo asks, Liam nods his head. They both stand and make their way into the living room, Liam closes the curtains and turns on the Xbox. 

 

They settle on the sofa in each other's arms, Liam’s back against Theo’s chest and his arm thrown around his middle. Liam flicks through Netflix until he finds the show and presses play. They lay there for hours as they watch episode after episode become more invested in the show. About an hour in Liam clears his throat after a quite emotional moment in the show. 

 

“I thought you’d have more feelings toward this,” Liam admits. Theo’s head snaps down to look at Liam and he furrows his eyebrows in question. 

 

“What do you mean?” Theo asks, confused. Liam shrugs his shoulders and hums. 

 

“Well I guess I mean, I thought you’d be angrier then you are, or sad even. You are technically dying again, and there's a bigger chance you might not even come back to us.” 

 

Theo nods his head as Liam speaks, his fingers tapping on Liam’s side as he scrambles to find the words to describe how he’s feeling.  

 

“I spent my whole life hating myself because of what I did,” Theo starts, “I killed my sister and then the fuck sticks killed my parents. I got so good at hiding my emotions, I would meet people and I learned how to mirror.” 

 

“Mirror?” Liam asks. 

 

“Mirroring means when you mirror someone's emotions. So when someone is telling you a sad story you mirror them so they think you’re sad. It's much easier when you’re supernatural cause you can just sense their chemosignals and go from there. I know a lot of human psychopaths that plan on killing someone do that to make their victims think they are nice people that are innocent,” Theo says. Liam turns around in his arms so that they are chest to chest. 

 

“That's terrible. I think I remember reading somewhere that most serial killers started off with like killing animals and then moved to kill people cause they got some form of gratification from it, often sexual. It which makes my skin crawl,” Liam says, his nose buried in Theo's neck. 

 

“Why are you so chill about this? I just told you I faked my emotions for most of my life.”

 

“It’s not abnormal, everyone has faked their emotions at some point or another. As long as you aren’t faking having feelings for me,” Liam says with a small laugh. 

 

“Liam you are practically humping my leg right,” Theo says as he motions to Liam’s leg which is thrown over Theo's thighs, “so no, if I was faking my emotions I don’t think this would be happening,” Theo feels Liam smiles against his neck. 

“Tell me you love me,” Liam mumbles into his neck. Theo presses his lips to the top of Liam’s head. 

 

“I love you so much Liam Dunbar, I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Theo says into Liam’s head. 

 

“I love you too Theo Raeken,  I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Liam repeats.  

 

The show pulls them out of their trance as the sound of a gun goes off, they both tense up as they are reminded of pain and bloodshed. The dark room suddenly lights up from their glowing eyes. 

 

“I still fucking hate that sound,” Liam says, voice sharp as he closes his eyes.

 

“I can’t watch action movies with guns cause every time I hear a string of gunshots I have a panic attack,” Theo says quietly. 

 

“I had to stop going over to Mason to play video games cause all the games he has are characters using guns and I can’t do that without almost passing out. I fucking hate it,” Liam says. He kisses Theo’s chin and turns back around to face the TV. Theo ducks his head down to avoid getting knocked in the head by Liam’s hand. 

 

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” he asks to distract himself from the sound of Alyssa screaming as James clocks her in the head with his gun. 

 

“Well in the next town over they have a carnival going on with an ice skating rink,” Liam says, he reaches behind him and grabs Theo’s hand, threading their fingers together and resting their joined hands in his hip. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay with doing all this stuff?” Theo asks quietly. Liam brings their hands up to his mouth and presses a kiss to Theo's hand. 

 

“Of course. Even if all this fucked up shit wasn’t happening, I would have made you go to the carnival with me,” Liam says with a laugh. Theo laughs along with him. 

 

“I expect you to win me a prize if they have any wolf plushies you are winning me one,” Theo said. Liams his head and nuzzles into the sofa. The screen turns black as one last gunshot rings out. Theo grabs the remote from in front of Liam and presses the off button. 

  
Jenna creeps down the stairs slowly and Theo pokes his head up. She smiles at him and he smiles back. Theo mouths and word  _ time  _ at her and she holds up her phone to show him its past ten pm. He nods his head and ducks his head back down on the sofa and closes his eyes. His grip tightening on Liam’s hand in his sleep


	3. scraping the sky with our fingertips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carnival rides, high swings, and ice skating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if ya'll read this but I beg you to please listen to plans by oh wonder while reading this chapter because that's the inspiration music I used to write the high swings scene. you can either listen to Dodie Clark's cover which is the song I used, or listen to the original by oh wonder

Liam bounces in his seat as they pull up to the carnival, the seat belt tight around his chest as he leans forward to see the top of the high swings. Theo pulls into the car park and stops the truck once they find a free spot to park. He smiles at Liam then cringes as a fresh string of screams hits his ears, he takes a few seconds to block out the sounds and then unbuckles his seat belt then watches Liam do the same. 

 

They step out of the truck and walk over to the entry line. They get to the back of the line and stand side by side, their hands threaded together. 

 

“We should have some rules,” Theo says as they move up a spot in line. Liam bounces on his heels and smiles at him. 

 

“Sure, like what?” Liam asks, the line slows down and Theo stands on his tiptoes to peak his head over to see how many people are in front of them. 

 

“Okay so, first,” He lists off in his fingers, “we have to stay together if one of us goes to the toilet we both go.” Liam rolls his eyes but nods his head. 

 

“We take turns in choosing the ride we go on,” Liam chimes in. Theo pauses and pulls his phone out of his pocket to write down the rules. 

“We stay away from any fucking clowns, we aren’t dealing with an IT situation,” Theo says as he types the words into his phone,  Liam huffs out a laugh. 

 

They move up to the ticket box where an old man sits with an open money box. Liam hand over the money for him and Theo, the man motions for them to stick out their wrists, they let go of each other's hands and Theo puts his phone back in his pocket. The man wraps a bring green wristband around their wrists and motions for them to enter. 

 

They walk forward and stand at the gate. Theo turns to Liam and they share a smile, they thread their hands together again and step into the carnival. 

 

Liam watches Theo’s eyes light up as he looks around, head moving so fast that if he wasn’t a werewolf he’d get whiplash. 

 

“What do you wanna do first?” Liam shouts over the loud music and the screams of people on rides. Theo turns to him and shrugs his shoulders. 

 

“I don’t really know, its been so long since I’ve been to a carnival,” He shouts back. Liam looks around and notices all around them are direction signs. He spots one for ice skating and tugs Theo’s hand. He nods to the sign and Theo follows his nod, he smiles once he reads the sign and nod his head. 

 

Liam takes the lead and pulls Theo along in the direction of the ice skating rink. He looks back and smiles as Theo laughs at one of the weird costume animals that waves to them. They wave back and keep walking. 

 

They walk into a large building at the end of the makeshift food court, the fluorescent lights shine on the white tile floor. They focus their hearing and follow the sound of laughter to an open ice rink filled with kids and adults. They walk over the operator and pay for a pair of skates for each of them. 

 

“So I’ve never ice skated before so I’m gonna need you to teach me,” Theo says once they are sitting down on a bench and putting on their skates. 

 

“Of course,” Liam says, “it's really not that hard.” 

 

“That's what she said,” Theo mumbles under this breath as he ducks his head down to tie up his skates, Liam snickers as Theo turns his head to look up at Liam he smiles and finishes tying his skates. Theo grips Liam’s hand as they slowly make their way to the rink. 

 

“Please don’t fall on your ass, please don’t fall on your ass,” Theo repeats as he steps onto the rink. His hold on Liam’s hand tightens and he reaches out to grabs onto the edge of the rink. 

 

“Okay so just move your feet, kind of like you are gliding,” Liam says, he does a little demonstration. 

 

“How fucking vague can you,” Theo groans, Liam huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. 

 

“Babe, there isn’t really much to teach, it’s quite simple,” Liam says. 

 

“I can do this by myself,” Theo says with as much confidence as a kid with anxiety doing a class presentation.  

 

Liam laughs as Theo lets go of his hand and the rink. Liam tries to stifle his laugh as he watches Theo almost hit himself in the head as he tries to stop himself from slipping. He falls onto his back and groans while Liam laughs, he glares up at Liam. He crawls on his knees until he gets to the side of the rink and slips again as he tries to get up. 

 

“You fucking suck,” Theo groans as he sits up and rubs his back. 

 

“You talking to me or the ice?” Liam asks, he takes pity on his boyfriend and holds out a hand. 

 

“Both,” he mumbles as he grabs Liam’s hand and lets Liam take his full weight in an attempt to help him up.

 

“Do you wanna come back to this later?” Liam asks they make their way back to where they left their shoes. Theo nods his head and sits down the bench with a huff. 

 

“Sure,” he says. They take off their skates and return them to the operator. They step back into the empty hallway and shiver as the warm summer wind hits their faces and arms.

 

They walk out of the building and back into the carnival which has become more alive as the sun sets. The dark sky twinkling with stars and the half-full moon. 

 

“I really want to go on the high swings,” Liam mentions as they make their way into the heart of the carnival. Theo looks at him and raises his eyebrows in question, Liam points to the large ride that is climbing higher and higher, screams of joy and adrenaline ricochets from all around them, he smiles up at the swings. 

 

For the first time in a long time, Theo felt free, that nothing was keeping him down. He could go and kiss his boyfriend at the top of the highest ride here without the peering and weary eyes of the pack, waiting for the moment he snaps and kills them all. 

 

He ached for the moment where he felt truly free, for the time where feeling tired was drowned out by feeling something so strong, like trust or love. As he looks around, his eyes bright and face carefree, he feels a weight lift from his chest, he looks to his boyfriend and smiles. Here, the moments feel so surreal, like it could be ripped out from underneath his feet at any time, but he grabs Liam’s hand and pulls him towards the high swings. 

 

They stand in line for a few moments as the ride comes down and they move as the line gets shorter. They reach the ticket box and pay for two tickets, Theo's heart beats wilding as they step through the gate a search for an empty cart. 

 

They choose a green cart and sit down in it, they wait for a minute as a worker comes around and closes a bar over their laps and locks it into place. They link their hands together as there is a flash of light and the music swells around them. 

 

Their feet are lifted from the ground as they ride starts, its lifts them higher, and they are jolted to one side as the ride swings them outwards. They laugh and scream as the air rushes through their hair, Liam throws his head back as they reach the top of the ride. 

 

It slows down and swings them slowly, they sit there looking around them as the city becomes visible through the night sky. Liam hums lightly to the music the operator plays through the speakers. 

 

If you told Theo a year ago he would be holding hands with his boyfriend on top of the biggest ride at a carnival, scraping the sky with their fingertips, screaming this is the life, we were born for this, he would have laughed and then checked you into Eichen House. But as he sits there with his hand loosely linked with Liam’s the future seems so far away and their past feels like a bad dream. 

 

He worked so hard to keep all the bad memories that play on repeat in his head, locked inside a box at the back of his mind where they would be far away enough not to hurt him or others, but available enough for him to access when he needed. But every time he tried to shove them in a box they’d burst right back out and remind him that he didn’t deserve any of the good things that happened to him. 

 

They reminded him that Liam, the man he loves, once wished he was dead, and that Liam’s pack would never trust him no matter what he did. But as the swing gets faster, the world around them turns into a blur of color and sound, he can only focus on Liam, with his soft smile, eyes closed and head thrown back. 

 

He taps Liam’s hand, and he cracks an eye open, he smiles softly at Theo as Theo lean forward to plant a kiss his cheek. 

 

“Thank you,” Theo whispers, voice barely audible over the sounds around them but Liam hears him and leans his head on Theo’s shoulder. The ride lowers them back to the ground and they unclip the bar from their laps and stand up. They walk through the exit gate and make their way to the food area. Hands linked and red-cheeked from the sudden cold wind. 

They walk into the food area and order a bucket of fries. Theo chuckles as Liam pulls him over to where a man is serving a little girl the biggest stick of multicolored cotton candy he had ever seen. 

 

“Can I admit something to you?” Theo asks as they wait in line for the cotton candy. 

 

“Sure,” Liam replies absentmindedly while shoving fries into his mouth. Theo takes a small hand full and smiles at his boyfriend. 

 

“I’ve never actually had cotton candy before.” 

 

Liam stops mid-chew and turns to Theo, he raises his eyebrows in shock. Liam cringes as he swallows a chunk of fry. 

 

“Really?” he asks. Theo nods his head, the man serves the couple in front of them and they step up a little bit as the couple moves forward. 

 

“You are about you have your mind blown babe,” Liam says, Theo laughs and grins at his boyfriend. 

 

“Next,” the man calls as the couple in front of them walk off with their food. Theo and Liam step up to the booth and Liam orders for them both. Theo watches intrigued as the man pours the pink colored powder into an open cylinder, the powered whirls around and becomes a thin wispy, almost spider web-like texture. The man grabs a stick and collects the pink cotton candy, Liam grabs the end of the stick and pays the man.

 

He hands it to Theo as they walk over to an empty table and take a seat. 

 

“Okay try it,” Liam says as he places the half-empty fry packet on the table. Theo eyes the thin, wispy candy in front of him and reaches out, he pinches off a piece from the bottom. He puts it in his mouth as soon as it touches his tongue it dissolves. His eyes widen and he reaches to take another piece. 

 

“Nice right?” Liam laughs. Theo nods his head enthusiastically and shoves a large piece in his mouth. 

 

“So I was looking online and I couldn’t find any theme parks that are close to us. I’m so sorry,” Liam says sadly. Theo looks at him and smiles. 

 

“Its okay we can totally do something else,” Theo says. 

 

“Okay well, what do you wanna do?” 

 

“I think I just want to hang out with you listen to some music,” Theo says after a few moments, Liam nods his head and smiles softly. 

 

“We can totally do that,” Liam says with a smile which Theo returns.

 

They settle down in the seats after they finish the food and watch as the carnival grows, they chase each other through the empty house of mirrors and avoid the scary rides. They walk through the side lanes at the rides die down and the light flicker off. 

 

They exist the carnival and make their way back to the truck, hands linked and tucked under Theo’s arm, a small wolf plushie. 


	4. broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> music and sad feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is quite bittersweet. I'm so very sorry if this is really sad (I'm writing this before I've finished writing the new chapter) I'm going through quite a horrible breakup right now. If it's horrible or just too sad, let me know and I'll take it down and re-write it. You could consider this a vent. TRIGGER WARNING: there are mentions of death and suicide in this chapter so if you are triggered you might wanna skip it.

“What music do you want to listen to?” Liam asks they step into his room, Theo closes the door behind them and throws himself down on Liam’s bed. Liam walks over to his laptop and opens it, he pulls up Soundcloud and turns to Theo. 

  


The afternoon light shines in through the window and illuminates the dust flying around in the air. Liam reaches over behind his desk and pulls the curtains shut, devoiding the room of natural light, the laptop screen lighting up Liam’s face as he taps on the keyboard. 

  


“I don’t really know, something low, and a tad sad,” Theo says, he lifts his head as Liam nods and turns back to his laptop, typing something into the search bar. The sounds of soft guitar and dull lyrics fill the room as Liam throws himself down next to Theo on the bed. 

  


“I feel like this a good time to talk about what happens if I don’t come back,” Theo says quietly after a few minutes of silence. He stares straight at the ceiling as a lump forms in his throat. 

  


“Okay,” Liam whispers. They are silent for what feels like hours as they try to find the right words. Song after song, the sun ducks behind the clouds as the night sky shines in through the gap in the curtain. The room is plunged into coldness as the moon makes an appearance. 

  


“I want to die,” Theo says, voice icy and devoid of emotions. Liam’s breath hitches in his throat, his head snaps sideways to face Theo, who continues to stare at the ceiling. 

  


“What do you mean?” Liam asks slowly, voice wavering as the worst mental images pop into his head. Theo lets out a shaky breath and his jaw visibly clenches. 

  


“When I was younger I was scared of death it gave me panic attack levels of scared. Tara would always tell me that it was a natural thing that happened and I couldn’t stop it,” he says,”it was up until I was about twelve I started welcoming the idea of death. I stopped being happy,  obviously I was living with murderous fuck cunts who made my life a living hell, but there were little moments, when I was by myself wondering the streets of cities I didn’t recognize, I felt something I guess you could call happiness. But after a while that feeling faded, going outside was more of a burden than something I prayed for. I started praying for death, that was my form of escape. I could picture myself dying, and it would make me relieved that I knew one day I was going to die,” 

  


He pauses and lets out a breath, “I can’t picture myself dying anymore, but I know I’m going to die and it makes me happy.” 

  


Liam lays there in silence, tears prickling behind his eyes. He sits up and Theo turns his head to look at him. 

  


“We-we can find a way around this, someone else can do it,” Liam says, Theo shakes his head and lets out a watery laugh as tears slide down the side of his face and fall into his ears making the music muffled. 

  


“No Liam, I have to do this,” Theo says, Liam takes a deep breath as a tear slip down his cheek. 

  


“I know you’ll come back but if you do this and you survive, will you  _ want _ to come back.”

  


“I don’t know Liam,” Theo whispers. Liam shakes his hand and stands up, he paces the room. Theo sits up on the bed and pulls his knees to his chest. 

  


“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Liam asks, he holds his hands out in front of himself and watches them uncontrollably shake, he clenches his fists and stuffs them in the pockets of his hoodie. 

  


“Because of this,” he waves his hand in Liam direction, “I didn’t want to tell you because you would react like this.” 

  


“Well sorry, but my boyfriend, the man I love, just told me he wants to die. Of course, I’m gonna react like this. It was less then two days ago you told me you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me!” he yells with tears now streaming down his cheeks, “did you lie to me when you said that?” 

  


Theo's head snaps up and he winces when Liam’s eyes bore into his. 

  


“No I didn’t lie to you, I do want to spend my life with you!” Theo yells back. Liam squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. 

  


“You won’t have me if you die,” Liam says quietly, he opens his eyes and collapse in the chair by his desk, his laptop screen is black and the music stops. Theo shakes his head and sniffs. 

  


“Did I ever have you?” Theo asks, Liam bristles as the question reaches his ears, he gives up on trying to defend himself and leans into the chair with a huff. 

  


“I guess not,” Liam mumbles back. Theo nods his head and lets out a shaky breath. 

  


“You know why I fell in love with you?” Theo asks a few minutes later, Liam looks at him from his spot in the chair and shakes his head. 

  


“You were a breath of fresh air,” he laughs, “you were a seventeen-year-old kid, even though you have been through so much for your age, you carried a type of airiness that made me feel like I could breathe freely. But at one point I know that I was taking up all that airiness and you were suffocating, you might not have noticed it first, but it became more visible on your face. The bags under your eyes, how dead your eyes would look after a fight, it felt like looking into an empty husk of that seventeen-year-old. It was like you were sacrificing yourself to make me happy without even knowing it.”

  


“But isn’t that what love is?” Liam asks, “sacrificing yourself for the ones you love.” 

  


“It's not love if it's killing you,” Theo whispers. 

  


“I’m fine,” Liam says, Theo doesn’t need to listen to Liam’s heart to know that's a lie. 

  


“No you’re not,” He whispers his voice breaking. As Liam looks into his eyes, they both know this is over. 

  


“We can make it work, when you get back we can work this out,” Liam says, voice pleading. Theo shakes his head and scrubs a hand down his face. 

  


“You can’t try to fix something that was destined to be broken,” Theo says, his voice flat and tired. 

  


“Is that what we are?” Liam asks, his face dead, “destined to be broken?” 

  


“You, me, the whole world. Things that are broken can never fully be fixed, like a heart once you break it, you can pick up the shards but it will never truly be whole again.” 

  


“So that's it, we’re done?” Liam asks, voice broken. 

  


“Yeah, I guess so.” Theo stands and makes his way to the door, he opens it and looks back at Liam.  

  
  


“If you really love me, you won’t leave,” Liam whispers, Theo pauses for a moment, he looks around the room then back to Liam, he gives him a sad smile even though his face conveys no emotion. He steps out into the hallway, and the door clicks softly behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I have nothing left to offer you. I had planned on one more chapter, but I decided this would be the last chapter. I'm so sorry about the sad ending, I can't bring myself to write a happy ending.


End file.
